Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
The title is from a song, but it sort of sums up my life (or at least how some things in my life, like these blog posts, have gone so far 😄).
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
The title is from a song, but it sort of sums up my life (or at least how some things in my life, like these blog posts, have gone so far 😄).
Greetings, y'all. 👋😊
This (Monday) evening, I made a trip to the funeral home to pay my respects to one of my best school friends, Amanda, who passed away at too young of an age from health-related issues. We had drifted apart after she graduated high school, but we reconnected through Facebook about 14 years ago, and we kept in touch through social media and the occasional "Walmart reunion". Our lives had taken different paths, but there was still a thread connecting us that remained unbroken.
As is too often the case, funerals (and wakes) are occasions for reunions with old friends, and this one was no exception. I met up with 2 of my other best school friends (one of whom I hadn't seen since she and her family moved away in 1990-ish), and although we all agreed the circumstances sucked, we were all glad to see each other again. A bittersweet meeting, for sure. We visited over dinner, reminiscing about old times and catching up a little on where we are now. The visit wasn't nearly long enough, but the time we did spend together was so nice. 😊
Michelle, Tee, and me 4.8.2024I really don't remember how I ended up becoming a part of their group, but I guess "like calls to like" in some subconscious way, and we were all, in our own ways, "outside the norm" among our peers. Regardless of how it came to be, these girls welcomed me into their circle and I found a place where I didn't have to put up a front and pretend to be someone I wasn't (even though I was still trying to find out who I was). I didn't feel judged for being fat, poor, smart, or liking band, and they turned me on to different metal bands that I probably wouldn't have listened to otherwise (which eventually led to me meeting my husband).
We had sleepovers at Amanda's house, and we spent a lot of time talking, listening to music, talking some more, hanging out, and just "being". We never really did much of anything (that I would admit to) that would've gotten us into real trouble. 😄 Most of the time we spent together was at school during and after lunch. They were a couple years ahead of me, so we didn't have classes together, but lunch was "all grades", and I always looked forward to getting to sit with my friends and hanging out. 😊 We went to a few school dances (there were several during the school year, informal affairs) where we were our own "in crowd". 😄
Back, L-R: Me, Michelle, Amanda, Tee. Front, L-R: James (Amanda's cousin), Chris (also Amanda's cousin). The guys weren't anyone's dates, they were just down for pictures. 😄Between parents' job transfers and graduations, our little group scattered to the winds, and I lost touch with them for a while. I made a few new good friends, and life moved on, but I never forgot about these girls. We eventually found each other again through social media. Amanda still lived in the area, so when we'd see each other "out & about", we'd chat and catch up (those "Walmart reunions" 😄). Even though we hadn't seen each other in years, we all sort of picked up where we left off, and it was almost like old times again. 😊
As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that we don't have as much time on this earth as we think we do, and there's not a thing wrong with telling your friends, "I love you!" (Yes, guys, this includes y'all, too!). There have been too many times that I didn't tell people I cared about that I loved them when I had the chance to, and then any chance was gone.
Tell the people you care about that you love them (tell 'em!), be in the pictures (even if you're not feeling photogenic), go in for the hug ("bro hugs" and awkward side hugs are acceptable, too). Don't look back and wish you had, "if only...".
I love you! 🤗
Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💖🙏🤗
Megan
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
How 'bout ya? 😄 Welcome to March (that seems to be on a greased rail)!
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
Here we are again, fixing to close out another month. 🎉🥳 February has simultaneously flown by and creeped along (how it does that is a mystery). It's been an interesting month, for sure. 😒
I was "going through it" in my last post, and I'm relieved to say that I made it through to the other side. 🙌 There's still some work to do, but I'm in a much better place now than I was a couple weeks ago. The heaviest of heavy lifting is done. 😊
Since I got a formal ADHD diagnosis and began treatment, my "journey" on the path of self-improvement (and self-discovery) seems to have hit the fast track in some ways. Without all the mental distractions getting in the way, I've been able to sort through stuff and figure out what's important and what can be either back-burnered or discarded. It's been enlightening, to say the least.
Overall, I'm not unhappy with how my life has gone so far. Of course, there are things I wish I had done differently, but looking at the big picture, I've been incredibly blessed, and I have very few regrets.
During all this self-discovery/self-improvement, the issue that continually pops up is my inability to prioritize myself and my own wellbeing over everyone else's. Now, I'm not talking about the type of self-centered, "It's all about me and screw everyone else" prioritization. What I'm talking about is convincing myself that my needs, my feelings, my wants don't matter. At all.
I don't know when, exactly, I developed that mindset (or why), but it's been a running theme throughout my life so far, and I've come to realize that it's very destructive.
We've all been taught not to be selfish and to think of others, and generally speaking, that's not a bad lesson to learn. We should consider how our words and actions will affect others, because we're all connected as humanity. Where things break down is the idea that never thinking of yourself is somehow virtuous. (Ironically, being "unselfish" can become selfish, because putting everyone else first becomes part of your identity.)
Anyway, I spent a lot of time and energy doing for everyone else and ignoring my own needs because I didn't want to be labeled as "selfish". It didn't matter that I was feeling burnt out (or used in some cases), I just resigned myself to the idea that "it is what it is", and it was easier to just go with whatever than to stand up and say, "No." and have to deal with the fallout. "Keeping the peace" is a lie we tell ourselves so that we don't have to confront the fact that the "peace" is really just letting people walk all over us.
Eventually, I found myself burnt out, used up, and empty. And still, I was being asked to give more, do more, be more of what had become expected of me, and I had nothing left. Not only was my mental health suffering, my physical health was starting to deteriorate. At a certain point I realized that if I didn't take a step back, I was going to end up seriously ill.
Making the decision to prioritize my health and wellbeing wasn't easy. I knew there would be pushback, and I knew that some people would be upset that they weren't going to be "number 1" any more. I had to learn to be okay with that, and for the most part, things have worked out.
I'm still learning how to "take care of me" so that I can take care of others in a way that is beneficial for everyone. I know there will be times when I'll have to handle things that are unpleasant or uncomfortable because I won't really have a choice, but being able to recognize when I do have a choice has been a huge positive.
If you're always putting yourself in last place, take some time to consider what that is accomplishing in your life. If you're content with how things are going, great! If you find yourself at the end of your rope, however, you might want to step back and reassess your priorities. Are you trying to pour from an empty cup?
Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💓🙏😊
Megan
Greetings, y'all! 👋😊
Please excuse the grammatically incorrect title (I'm not changing it, by the way. 😉).
Are you "going through it"? Maybe you've "been through it", or maybe you're "still in it" but you're "almost through it". Whatever "it" is, I think we've all experienced the struggle.
I mentioned having a personal struggle in my last post and having to take some unplanned time off to deal with it.
I was "going through it", and it was pretty rough.
I won't get into the nitty gritty, but I was dealing with some large feelings. On the heels of those large feelings came old memories and some unpleasant realizations.
I didn't exactly want to deal with any of it (Who would?). In the past, I would have either shoved those feelings, memories, and realizations down and ignored them, or I would have ruminated on them and continued the downward spiral feeling sorry for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I was tempted to do both (I'm ashamed to say.), but for the past few years, I've been on a journey to confront those parts of myself that I don't like and make positive changes so that I can be a better wife, mother, friend, and Christian. I can tell you, it's hard work, and I can't do it on my own. I've had to lean on my faith, pray, and surrender to God (I promise, I won't get too "preachy".)
Anyway, I had a choice to make, and I chose to take the hard path of facing "it". I lost a lot of sleep, and I shed a lot of tears. Instead of ducking and dodging each "thing" that came flying at me, I braced up and took each one full-force, grabbing hold and acknowledging it. I wrote for hours. I prayed for guidance, for illumination, and for strength. As I battled the past, my prayers were answered; God guided me through each moment, illuminated it with His light of Truth, and gave me the strength to face the next one.
I was "in the middle of it", and I was exhausted.
If you've ever dealt with strong emotions, you know that it can feel like going 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. You end up feeling wrung out like an old dishrag and thrown down in a heap like dirty clothes. Doing a full day of hard, physical labor is less tiring than fighting a war in your own mind and heart (And you usually have something nice to show for physical labor, like a stack of firewood or a manicured lawn. The head stuff usually only results in red, swollen eyes and a snotty nose.).
I'll admit, there were many times that I wanted to stop the grueling ride and get off. It would have been a lot easier to just say, "Nope. I'm done with this mess." and try to forget everything that ever happened. But God said, "Nope. You're not done with 'this mess'. You asked Me to get you through it, and I'll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to. Sit down, shut up, and let Me help you deal with it." (He didn't say that in so many words, but you get the point.).
So I sat down, I shut up, and I kept my arms inside the ride through the darkness.
Eventually, I came to the place where everything was laid out in the open, and I could see what I had been avoiding. There were a lot of little things that each by itself wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. However, because I chose to avoid/ignore the little things, they grew into big things, and those big things coalesced into huge things, as I did everything I could to shove them into a closet and lock them away. As with real-life closets, you can only shove so much into them before the door busts open and everything comes tumbling out.
Y'all, I was gutted. Laid before me was years of wasted opportunities, misguided intentions, misdirected efforts, and a mountain of pain I was responsible for piling on the people I love. You talk about feeling lower than dirt!
As I surveyed the landscape, so to speak, I prayed for forgiveness; for every time I ran away from responsibility, for every time I pushed back against my loved ones who wanted to love me "through it", for every time I didn't see that my loved ones needed me to love them "through it", for all the unintentional slights, for thinking that I had to handle everything on my own, for not considering how my rash decisions would affect anyone else, and for a lot more than that.
"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to your lovingkindness; according to Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions." (Psalm 51:1)
God reminded me, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9), and "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." (1 Chronicles 16:34)
I was "still in it", but I was "almost through it", and I was hopeful.
It may seem strange to feel hopeful and thankful for having been shown all the times you messed up big time, and for all the pain you caused, but if you don't know (or won't confront) what the problems are, you can't move forward toward a resolution.
Identifying the areas that need improvement, then working through them to make the necessary changes has been uncomfortable at best, and excruciatingly painful at worst. But the relief and peace on the other side of it is worth it.
None of this has been easy, and I still have some hard work ahead of me. There's a degree of uncertainty in outcomes, but a path has been made clear, and I have to keep going.
If you're "going through it", don't give up. You got to keep going.
Be blessed, and be a blessing! 😊
Megan
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
I hope the week has treated you well. 😊 I had a bit of a struggle mid-week and had to take a little unplanned time off, but things seem to be back on track, and I'm feeling pretty good. 😊👍
I was scrolling through my Instagram (all ten posts) the other day and came across (😆*snort*) this post I made about a year ago:
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄
Greetings, y'all! 👋😄 The title is from a song, but it sort of sums up my life (or at least how some things in my life, like these bl...