Oh, February! (What Did I Ever Do to You?)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😊

Well! 2025 isn't going at all the way I thought it would. January took 6 months to get through. I was looking forward to February, because I was going to be celebrating a milestone birthday - the big 5-0! - but the universe had other plans. 

It is, but I would've liked a cake and maybe a little party.

On the evening of February 1st, my husband began having trouble breathing and became very weak, and his blood pressure had dropped to a dangerously low level. He had been feeling poorly for about 8 weeks already, but at this point, he agreed that he needed immediate medical attention. I called for an ambulance, and he was brought to our local hospital's emergency department. Blood tests revealed that he was in diabetic ketoacidosis, was severely malnourished, was dehydrated, and had an intestinal blockage. (Side note: he has a disease called 'gastroparesis', which affects his digestive system and causes problems with digestion and nourishment. This is a result of many years of uncontrolled diabetes. He had been receiving regular care for the diabetes in recent years, but the damage had already been done.)

He was admitted to the hospital's intensive care unit, where he received IV insulin to bring his blood glucose level down, as well as IV fluids and medicine to bring his blood pressure up. He developed sepsis and went into septic shock while in the ICU at our local hospital, so they started IV antibiotics treatment. They transferred him to a larger hospital 3 days later for more tests that they weren't equipped to perform, and he spent another 3 days in the critical care unit at the larger hospital. They were able to stabilize him enough to move him to a regular room, where he stayed for another 6 days. He was discharged last week, after a total of 13 days in 2 hospitals.

The doctor in our local hospital's emergency department was very frank with me and told me that my husband was very close to the end of his life when he came in. He was in critical condition for 48 hours, then upgraded to 'guarded', where he stayed for another 48 hours. Once he was upgraded to 'stable', we knew that the immediate crisis had passed. 

Hubby and me in July 2005 - 30 years ago when we were still young...ish. 😉

I can't say that I was necessarily scared that he would die, but I did have to face the reality that not only was his dying a possibility, if he didn't respond to their immediate treatment, his death was likely and imminent. Knowing how close he was to death, I could do nothing but watch and pray like I've never prayed before. I wasn't ready to spend the rest of my life without him in it. Not then. Not now. God answered my prayers by pulling him back fully to the land of the living.

✨Side Quest✨: It was around this time last year that I wrote a post about "going through it". At the time, I felt strongly compelled to have a "sit-down" with hubby and have a big talk about a lot of things that had piled up over our 30 years of marriage. I felt like this conversation had to happen now, because time was getting short. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but we both had our say, and finally cleared the air. Our relationship and marriage has never been better since that talk, and I'm thankful that we've resolved our issues. We've also learned to talk to each other without fearing an overreaction. 

My 50th birthday arrived, and I spent the day with hubby in his ICU room. It wasn't exactly how I imagined I'd be spending my "big" milestone birthday, but honestly, it was the best birthday I've ever had. When he wasn't sleeping, we held hands and talked, and except for when they had to come in his room, the nurse and staff pretty much left us alone. The day was quiet, peaceful, and just nice. 

When he was stable enough to be moved to a regular room, I stayed with him and slept at the hospital on the couch in his room. I helped him as much as I could, trying to be a good "nurse", which subsequently helped the real nurses and staff, because they had many other patients to see about. Helping him to the bathroom or writing down info that the nurses needed took some of the load off them, and by not being "needy", when he did require the actual nurse, they came quickly and did what needed to be done. We were always kind and appreciative, and I think they were a little sad to see us go when he was discharged. 😄

Since he's been home, we've had a whirlwind of follow-up appointments and there are new tests being scheduled. He has new medicines to take, and he was taken off a few that no longer benefit him. We're starting over from scratch as far as managing his health conditions goes. The easiest thing to change is our diet, but we have new routines to learn, patterns to watch for, and new knowledge to absorb. It's a lot, but we're a strong team, and we'll get through this together, with God's help. ✌❤🙏🙌🤗 

Ain't No Right Way (To Do the Wrong Thing)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😄

It's been a hot minute, and here we are 23 days into May! 😲 Hurricane season will be here before we know it. 

My title is a Toby Keith song title, and it's only somewhat semi-related to the topic of this post. 

 

If you've spent any time in Facebook Groups, you know that they run the gamut from "Only Admins Can Post" to "Wild West Free-For-All" (a.k.a. "Spam Central Station"). I'm in several groups, but rarely participate in them (and I could probably drop out of a lot of them, as my interests have changed). 

Anyway, I went temporarily insane (😉) and started my own Facebook Group for fans of Toby Keith, because one group I was in seemed to have a profit motive, and the other one had an Admin who was MIA and spammers/scammers had taken over, inundating the group with their assorted crap. Our group has been active for almost a month now, and except for a couple of instances, the members have been really respectful and are making the group a kind, welcoming, and fun community. We just celebrated 200 members! 🎉🥳

I've seen a lot of scams during my years of being on the internet. "Nigerian princes" looking for someone to take their bajillions of dollars, "recovery scammers" who, for a "small" fee, will help you get your money back from the "Nigerian prince" who conned you (likely the "prince" and the "knight in shining armor" are the same scammer), "romance scams" where the victim gets strung along by a scammer until the money runs out, "Company X is giving away buckets of cash to the first 100 people who share this post and comment.", and scammers on social media using  celebrity and "celebrity-adjacent" account names (and phony "blue check" icons) promising the world to whoever falls for their con. 

The biggest thing I think people should be aware of is that in most cases, "blue check" celebrities aren't the ones managing their social media accounts. They usually have "people", and they just don't send private messages to fans. They also aren't giving away cars or cash for "shares" and "likes" on social media (and neither are their family members, managers, or anyone else legitimately associated with them). I know we all would like to believe that we've been chosen by our favorite celebrity for special attention, but the fact is, it just ain't happenin'. Not for 99.9% of people, anyway. 

Y'all, please, think before you answer that private message from someone claiming to be rich and/or famous. Look for the bona fide signs of the real, official, verified account, and for God's sake, DO NOT send money (or gift cards, or your bank account details, or your login credentials) to them! Be safe, be smart, be aware! 

Love y'all! ✌❤🙏🤗

Megan 

If You Don't Know Where You're Going (You Might End Up Somewhere Else)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😄 

The title is from a song, but it sort of sums up my life (or at least how some things in my life, like these blog posts, have gone so far 😄). 

At some point in our lives, we come to crossroads and have to decide which direction we're going to take. Most of the time, what lies in either direction is a big unknown, and making major life decisions based on the unknown is scary. It's tempting to just "stay put", because at least "here" is familiar (and all our stuff is "here"), but not moving forward in any direction isn't necessarily a good thing.

I don't have any sage advice to offer (shocker!), because I'm finding myself standing at a crossroads presently, and every direction (forward) has possibilities. And every possibility comes with a huge question mark. 

In one direction, there's music, which has been my true passion for as long as I can remember (seriously). I love listening to music, I love playing music, and I especially love playing music with other musicians. I've posted about that previously, and you can find it on this blog.

In another direction, there's "professional development", which I feel like I should pursue, since tech skills improve my chances of employment should my current gig end (which, as an independent contractor, is something that could happen at any time). For the most part, I really do enjoy my job (most likely because I have awesome coworkers), and it pays the bills and puts food on the table.

Except for reminiscing over the good times, I'm not looking backwards. I can't change the past, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to if I could. Everything that's happened in the past has played a part in making me who I am today or taught me a lesson I needed to learn (the lessons weren't always pleasant, either).

I don't know what my future holds, at least as far as my earthly future. As a woman of faith, I believe there's "life after life". I pray for direction and guidance - it's the "waiting on the Lord" that's tough. 😉 I've been shown, time after time, that God provides, and I believe that He will continue to do so. I just need to stay in my lane. 😉

Be blessed, and be a blessing. ✌💓🙏😊

Megan

Nights I Can't Remember (Friends I'll Never Forget)

Greetings, y'all. 👋😊 

This (Monday) evening, I made a trip to the funeral home to pay my respects to one of my best school friends, Amanda, who passed away at too young of an age from health-related issues. We had drifted apart after she graduated high school, but we reconnected through Facebook about 14 years ago, and we kept in touch through social media and the occasional "Walmart reunion". Our lives had taken different paths, but there was still a thread connecting us that remained unbroken.

As is too often the case, funerals (and wakes) are occasions for reunions with old friends, and this one was no exception. I met up with 2 of my other best school friends (one of whom I hadn't seen since she and her family moved away in 1990-ish), and although we all agreed the circumstances sucked, we were all glad to see each other again. A bittersweet meeting, for sure. We visited over dinner, reminiscing about old times and catching up a little on where we are now. The visit wasn't nearly long enough, but the time we did spend together was so nice. 😊

Michelle, Tee, and me 4.8.2024

I really don't remember how I ended up becoming a part of their group, but I guess "like calls to like" in some subconscious way, and we were all, in our own ways, "outside the norm" among our peers. Regardless of how it came to be, these girls welcomed me into their circle and I found a place where I didn't have to put up a front and pretend to be someone I wasn't (even though I was still trying to find out who I was). I didn't feel judged for being fat, poor, smart, or liking band, and they turned me on to different metal bands that I probably wouldn't have listened to otherwise (which eventually led to me meeting my husband). 

We had sleepovers at Amanda's house, and we spent a lot of time talking, listening to music, talking some more, hanging out, and just "being". We never really did much of anything (that I would admit to) that would've gotten us into real trouble. 😄 Most of the time we spent together was at school during and after lunch. They were a couple years ahead of me, so we didn't have classes together, but lunch was "all grades", and I always looked forward to getting to sit with my friends and hanging out. 😊 We went to a few school dances (there were several during the school year, informal affairs) where we were our own "in crowd". 😄

Back, L-R: Me, Michelle, Amanda, Tee. Front, L-R: James (Amanda's cousin), Chris (also Amanda's cousin). The guys weren't anyone's dates, they were just down for pictures. 😄

Between parents' job transfers and graduations, our little group scattered to the winds, and I lost touch with them for a while. I made a few new good friends, and life moved on, but I never forgot about these girls. We eventually found each other again through social media. Amanda still lived in the area, so when we'd see each other "out & about", we'd chat and catch up (those "Walmart reunions" 😄). Even though we hadn't seen each other in years, we all sort of picked up where we left off, and it was almost like old times again. 😊

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that we don't have as much time on this earth as we think we do, and there's not a thing wrong with telling your friends, "I love you!" (Yes, guys, this includes y'all, too!). There have been too many times that I didn't tell people I cared about that I loved them when I had the chance to, and then any chance was gone. 

Tell the people you care about that you love them (tell 'em!), be in the pictures (even if you're not feeling photogenic), go in for the hug ("bro hugs" and awkward side hugs are acceptable, too). Don't look back and wish you had, "if only...". 

I love you! 🤗    

Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💖🙏🤗

Megan

Dim Lights, Thick Smoke (And Loud, Loud Music)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😄

How 'bout ya? 😄 Welcome to March (that seems to be on a greased rail)! 

I realize the thumbnail for this post will be a blurry train, which doesn't go with the title, but oh, well. 😄

I've started and deleted this post a couple times, trying to figure out how to talk about how playing music and singing has been such an important part of my life, and how much I really miss doing it. Maybe this will be a "third time's the charm" effort, but I'll still probably end up sounding like one of those "woo-woo", breathy, "oh-so-spiritual", "it's an experience" people (which, honestly, I kinda am on some things). 😄 Anyway...

I've pretty much immersed myself in music for the past month, and during that time, while all those memories came flooding back, I realized that I haven't really listened to much music for pleasure in a long time. It's been probably 5 or 6 years now since I've sat with headphones on my ears and just filled my head with songs. That's really kind of sad, thinking about it. I almost always have a song running through my mind, but it's not the same as listening.

The other thing I haven't done much of is singing. Or thinking about songs I'd like to sing. Or figuring out arrangements for songs I'd like to sing. Between life happenings and covid, the part of me that loves to do those things got pushed back into the corner to gather dust. I'd like to get that part of my life back.

Me & Jeff LeBlanc in 2016 at Artmosphere in Lafayette, LA. The song was "Summertime", and it was a moment. I also had hair then. 😉

I'm planning to pull out my songbook and work up some arrangements, and maybe do a little home recording. I don't have anything fancy to work with, but I'll make do with what I have. 😊

Note: I don't have an old-school tape recorder or cassettes. I do have a smartphone and a recording app, however. 😉

I've spent a lot of time in "Bayou Self", both before and after covid, and while it helps with my creativity, like when I'm working on arrangements or learning new songs, there's something missing when it comes to performing. What's missing is the collaboration that happens when musicians get together and join their separate parts into something beautiful that reaches out and touches the listeners. 

This may sound contradictory coming from a singer, but I'm really not one who wants all the attention on myself. What really lights my fire and gives me the motivation to give the best of what I have to give is performing with others. I've had the opportunity to sit in with top-notch musicians, and I can only describe the experience as magical. 

I could go on and on, waxing poetic about the wonderment of making music with likeminded people, but I'll spare you, dear reader. 😄 What I will say is that it's been a dream of mine, and it took me a long time to get past my fears and find my voice. I got a small taste, and it was even more wonderful than I had imagined it could be. The only real comparison I have is finding the love of your life and feeling complete. Making music with others is a notch lower than that. 😉 

I was almost in reach of achieving my dream, but evidently the time wasn't right (or the circumstances weren't right), because when I reached out, the answer was "No."

I'd be lying if I said I didn't take it personally at the time. I've since come to understand that it wasn't totally about my abilities (or any perceived lack thereof), but it still stings a little. I did pull back quite a bit, and of course the covid lockdowns put a huge damper on live music for a while, and when things started opening back up, I had other things going on in my life that kept me away from the scene. 

I haven't given up on my dream, although I have adjusted my horizons a bit. I don't need or want fame and fortune (and let's be real, here - I'm not young any more), just a few musicians who want to play and sing some songs together and make musical magic happen. ♫💖♫

Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💓🙏😊

Megan

Don't Know What You Got ('Til It's Gone)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😄

Here we are again, fixing to close out another month. 🎉🥳 February has simultaneously flown by and creeped along (how it does that is a mystery). It's been an interesting month, for sure. 😒 

I was "going through it" in my last post, and I'm relieved to say that I made it through to the other side. 🙌 There's still some work to do, but I'm in a much better place now than I was a couple weeks ago. The heaviest of heavy lifting is done. 😊

Since I got a formal ADHD diagnosis and began treatment, my "journey" on the path of self-improvement (and self-discovery) seems to have hit the fast track in some ways. Without all the mental distractions getting in the way, I've been able to sort through stuff and figure out what's important and what can be either back-burnered or discarded. It's been enlightening, to say the least. 

Overall, I'm not unhappy with how my life has gone so far. Of course, there are things I wish I had done differently, but looking at the big picture, I've been incredibly blessed, and I have very few regrets. 

During all this self-discovery/self-improvement, the issue that continually pops up is my inability to prioritize myself and my own wellbeing over everyone else's. Now, I'm not talking about the type of self-centered, "It's all about me and screw everyone else" prioritization. What I'm talking about is convincing myself that my needs, my feelings, my wants don't matter. At all.

I don't know when, exactly, I developed that mindset (or why), but it's been a running theme throughout my life so far, and I've come to realize that it's very destructive. 

We've all been taught not to be selfish and to think of others, and generally speaking, that's not a bad lesson to learn. We should consider how our words and actions will affect others, because we're all connected as humanity. Where things break down is the idea that never thinking of yourself is somehow virtuous. (Ironically, being "unselfish" can become selfish, because putting everyone else first becomes part of your identity.) 

Anyway, I spent a lot of time and energy doing for everyone else and ignoring my own needs because I didn't want to be labeled as "selfish". It didn't matter that I was feeling burnt out (or used in some cases), I just resigned myself to the idea that "it is what it is", and it was easier to just go with whatever than to stand up and say, "No." and have to deal with the fallout. "Keeping the peace" is a lie we tell ourselves so that we don't have to confront the fact that the "peace" is really just letting people walk all over us.

Eventually, I found myself burnt out, used up, and empty. And still, I was being asked to give more, do more, be more of what had become expected of me, and I had nothing left. Not only was my mental health suffering, my physical health was starting to deteriorate. At a certain point I realized that if I didn't take a step back, I was going to end up seriously ill. 

Making the decision to prioritize my health and wellbeing wasn't easy. I knew there would be pushback, and I knew that some people would be upset that they weren't going to be "number 1" any more. I had to learn to be okay with that, and for the most part, things have worked out. 

I'm still learning how to "take care of me" so that I can take care of others in a way that is beneficial for everyone. I know there will be times when I'll have to handle things that are unpleasant or uncomfortable because I won't really have a choice, but being able to recognize when I do have a choice has been a huge positive.

If you're always putting yourself in last place, take some time to consider what that is accomplishing in your life. If you're content with how things are going, great! If you find yourself at the end of your rope, however, you might want to step back and reassess your priorities. Are you trying to pour from an empty cup?

Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💓🙏😊    

Megan

When You're Going Through It (You Got to Keep Going)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😊

Please excuse the grammatically incorrect title (I'm not changing it, by the way. 😉). 

Are you "going through it"? Maybe you've "been through it", or maybe you're "still in it" but you're "almost through it". Whatever "it" is, I think we've all experienced the struggle. 

https://www.deviantart.com/alexvanderlinde/art/Stormy-Sea-238814509

I mentioned having a personal struggle in my last post and having to take some unplanned time off to deal with it. 

I was "going through it", and it was pretty rough. 

I won't get into the nitty gritty, but I was dealing with some large feelings. On the heels of those large feelings came old memories and some unpleasant realizations. 

I didn't exactly want to deal with any of it (Who would?). In the past, I would have either shoved those feelings, memories, and realizations down and ignored them, or I would have ruminated on them and continued the downward spiral feeling sorry for myself. 

Don't get me wrong, I was tempted to do both (I'm ashamed to say.), but for the past few years, I've been on a journey to confront those parts of myself that I don't like and make positive changes so that I can be a better wife, mother, friend, and Christian. I can tell you, it's hard work, and I can't do it on my own. I've had to lean on my faith, pray, and surrender to God (I promise, I won't get too "preachy".)

Anyway, I had a choice to make, and I chose to take the hard path of facing "it". I lost a lot of sleep, and I shed a lot of tears. Instead of ducking and dodging each "thing" that came flying at me, I braced up and took each one full-force, grabbing hold and acknowledging it. I wrote for hours. I prayed for guidance, for illumination, and for strength. As I battled the past, my prayers were answered; God guided me through each moment, illuminated it with His light of Truth, and gave me the strength to face the next one. 

I was "in the middle of it", and I was exhausted.

If you've ever dealt with strong emotions, you know that it can feel like going 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. You end up feeling wrung out like an old dishrag and thrown down in a heap like dirty clothes. Doing a full day of hard, physical labor is less tiring than fighting a war in your own mind and heart (And you usually have something nice to show for physical labor, like a stack of firewood or a manicured lawn. The head stuff usually only results in red, swollen eyes and a snotty nose.).

I'll admit, there were many times that I wanted to stop the grueling ride and get off. It would have been a lot easier to just say, "Nope. I'm done with this mess." and try to forget everything that ever happened. But God said, "Nope. You're not done with 'this mess'. You asked Me to get you through it, and I'll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to. Sit down, shut up, and let Me help you deal with it." (He didn't say that in so many words, but you get the point.).

So I sat down, I shut up, and I kept my arms inside the ride through the darkness. 

Eventually, I came to the place where everything was laid out in the open, and I could see what I had been avoiding. There were a lot of little things that each by itself wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. However, because I chose to avoid/ignore the little things, they grew into big things, and those big things coalesced into huge things, as I did everything I could to shove them into a closet and lock them away. As with real-life closets, you can only shove so much into them before the door busts open and everything comes tumbling out.

Y'all, I was gutted. Laid before me was years of wasted opportunities, misguided intentions, misdirected efforts, and a mountain of pain I was responsible for piling on the people I love. You talk about feeling lower than dirt! 

As I surveyed the landscape, so to speak, I prayed for forgiveness; for every time I ran away from responsibility, for every time I pushed back against my loved ones who wanted to love me "through it", for every time I didn't see that my loved ones needed me to love them "through it", for all the unintentional slights, for thinking that I had to handle everything on my own, for not considering how my rash decisions would affect anyone else, and for a lot more than that. 

"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to your lovingkindness; according to Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions." (Psalm 51:1) 

God reminded me, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9), and "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." (1 Chronicles 16:34)

I was "still in it", but I was "almost through it", and I was hopeful.

It may seem strange to feel hopeful and thankful for having been shown all the times you messed up big time, and for all the pain you caused, but if you don't know (or won't confront) what the problems are, you can't move forward toward a resolution. 

Identifying the areas that need improvement, then working through them to make the necessary changes has been uncomfortable at best, and excruciatingly painful at worst. But the relief and peace on the other side of it is worth it.

None of this has been easy, and I still have some hard work ahead of me. There's a degree of uncertainty in outcomes, but a path has been made clear, and I have to keep going. 

If you're "going through it", don't give up. You got to keep going. 

Be blessed, and be a blessing! 😊

Megan