Don't Know What You Got ('Til It's Gone)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😄

Here we are again, fixing to close out another month. 🎉🥳 February has simultaneously flown by and creeped along (how it does that is a mystery). It's been an interesting month, for sure. 😒 

I was "going through it" in my last post, and I'm relieved to say that I made it through to the other side. 🙌 There's still some work to do, but I'm in a much better place now than I was a couple weeks ago. The heaviest of heavy lifting is done. 😊

Since I got a formal ADHD diagnosis and began treatment, my "journey" on the path of self-improvement (and self-discovery) seems to have hit the fast track in some ways. Without all the mental distractions getting in the way, I've been able to sort through stuff and figure out what's important and what can be either back-burnered or discarded. It's been enlightening, to say the least. 

Overall, I'm not unhappy with how my life has gone so far. Of course, there are things I wish I had done differently, but looking at the big picture, I've been incredibly blessed, and I have very few regrets. 

During all this self-discovery/self-improvement, the issue that continually pops up is my inability to prioritize myself and my own wellbeing over everyone else's. Now, I'm not talking about the type of self-centered, "It's all about me and screw everyone else" prioritization. What I'm talking about is convincing myself that my needs, my feelings, my wants don't matter. At all.

I don't know when, exactly, I developed that mindset (or why), but it's been a running theme throughout my life so far, and I've come to realize that it's very destructive. 

We've all been taught not to be selfish and to think of others, and generally speaking, that's not a bad lesson to learn. We should consider how our words and actions will affect others, because we're all connected as humanity. Where things break down is the idea that never thinking of yourself is somehow virtuous. (Ironically, being "unselfish" can become selfish, because putting everyone else first becomes part of your identity.) 

Anyway, I spent a lot of time and energy doing for everyone else and ignoring my own needs because I didn't want to be labeled as "selfish". It didn't matter that I was feeling burnt out (or used in some cases), I just resigned myself to the idea that "it is what it is", and it was easier to just go with whatever than to stand up and say, "No." and have to deal with the fallout. "Keeping the peace" is a lie we tell ourselves so that we don't have to confront the fact that the "peace" is really just letting people walk all over us.

Eventually, I found myself burnt out, used up, and empty. And still, I was being asked to give more, do more, be more of what had become expected of me, and I had nothing left. Not only was my mental health suffering, my physical health was starting to deteriorate. At a certain point I realized that if I didn't take a step back, I was going to end up seriously ill. 

Making the decision to prioritize my health and wellbeing wasn't easy. I knew there would be pushback, and I knew that some people would be upset that they weren't going to be "number 1" any more. I had to learn to be okay with that, and for the most part, things have worked out. 

I'm still learning how to "take care of me" so that I can take care of others in a way that is beneficial for everyone. I know there will be times when I'll have to handle things that are unpleasant or uncomfortable because I won't really have a choice, but being able to recognize when I do have a choice has been a huge positive.

If you're always putting yourself in last place, take some time to consider what that is accomplishing in your life. If you're content with how things are going, great! If you find yourself at the end of your rope, however, you might want to step back and reassess your priorities. Are you trying to pour from an empty cup?

Be blessed, and be a blessing! ✌💓🙏😊    

Megan