It Is Well (With My Soul)

Greetings, y'all! 👋😊

In my last post, I talked a little about Toby Keith's passing and how the news made me feel. This isn't going to be a "Toby Keith tribute post", but his death brought some thoughts to the surface that I've had over the past 2 or 3 years, about grief and grieving.

The subject of death and dying isn't usually discussed in "polite company". It's uncomfortable. For some, the notion is terrifying. For others, it's a far-future "someday, maybe" thing that isn't important right now, so let's talk about something else. 

Death can't be hidden away in the corner of a closet. It demands to be acknowledged; it walks right up and gets in your face.  

Dying isn't something that was taboo to discuss in my family growing up. One of my earliest memories is looking down into a casket and seeing an older lady (Mrs. Pace)  laying there. I remember that she was wearing a reddish-orange jacket and a white blouse. She was the wife of an older couple that my mom and dad were friends with. My mom and I were talking one day, many years later, and I asked her how old I was when Mrs. Pace died, and she said I was close to 2 years old (she told me that the reason for the perspective in my memory is because my dad was holding me in his arms next to the casket). She said that she felt that making death scary for or a secret to be kept from children was doing a disservice to kids, because eventually, everyone will have to face it.

A lot of my extended family were in the older generations, and between the ages of 2 and 13, I attended a lot of funerals. Most died as old people, some with cancer, some with other "old people" ailments. One cousin was killed testing a new race car he'd built, and he was "young" at age 45. Three of my 4 grandparents died between 1985 and 1987, with both my grandfathers dying within 6 months of each other. My mom's sister, who was my "second mom" died in 1988. 

While all of these deaths were heartbreaking, being allowed and encouraged to talk about it made it a lot less frightening, and it made room for grieving to be a part in healing.

Grieving and grief are different for everyone, and there's no timeline or map to follow. Grief is not something you "get over", and grieving is not something that has an end date. It's not linear. It's uncomfortable to witness, and it can seem to be overwhelming to experience, because it can be so isolating. 

It's encouraging to see that more people are being open about their grief and their journey through the grieving process. I follow 2 people on Facebook who lost their respective spouses about a year ago. One is a friend, the other is a celebrity, but both have been very open with what their day-to-day looks like, including the "ugly" days. Their posts have been enlightening, and in addition to connecting with others who are on the same journey, they give us "bystanders" a clue on how we can be supportive to them, as well as some things we may experience in the future. Is it uncomfortable? Absolutely. For both sides. But it's necessary to confront our discomfort and turn it into compassion.

We keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and minds by talking about them, sharing who they are with others. Whether they are a "regular person", or a superstar, they walked among us; they lived, they loved, and they were (and are) loved in return. ✌💓🙏

Be blessed, and be a blessing!

Megan